"More and more I think there’s an element of fiction writing that’s performative. If you want your stories to carry a particular charge of feeling, you have to experience that feeling while you’re working. I don’t know that you can fake it, or at least I don’t know that I’ve ever been able to fake it, because the choices you make when you’re writing—the rhythms you adopt, the phrases you construct, the effect one word has when it’s nestled alongside another—are so highly nuanced, and have so much to do with the ultimate emotional effect of a story, so that if you aren’t feeling along with your sentences, your instincts will gradually lead you astray."

The Rumpus Interview With Kevin Brockmeier

This is, no surprise, really really great.

(via therumpus)

coaxing the feral cat down from the tree

queershoulder:

I am on deadline for an important writing project tonight (a working draft of my piece for Still Here — which happens June 11th & 12th, btw!). While I have had THE WHOLE WEEK to work on this piece, alas, I have also been struggling pretty hard with writer’s block. :/

I used to have to push through block a lot, but that baaasically stopped around the time that I started working on How To Have A Body. It has been a very long while since writing has felt actively hard to do like it has felt this week.

On the one hand, that feels pretty cool!

On the other hand, that makes feeling blocked even more frustrating, because my practices for pushing through block are more, well, outta practice.

I’ve gotten very used to the luxury of words feeling easy when I sit down to write*. This is possibly a preposterous metaphor that makes no sense to anybody but me, BUT: In contrast, right now, I feel like I am coaxing a feral cat down from a tree.

If you’ve got some spare love/prayer/thoughts towards productivity & getting the cat outta the tree for me, can you send some my way? It’s very much appreciated.

<3 & thx, tumblr-verse & tumblr-watchers.


* My general ability to write/produce work, esp. through severe pain & deep exhaustion, is pretty fuckin’ limited. That said, when I sit down to write with my exhaustion & pain levels well-managed & NOT crazy-go-nuts, I can easily knock out 8,000 words in one day. So it feels disappointing to be like “Huh, today is actually an okay pain & exhaustion day, so… Where are my words?!”

Aaand today I wrote another 2,000 words, BOOM!

This piece is unlike anything I have ever written before, both form & content-wise. The writing process is equal parts exciting & scary. But at least now the cat is down from the tree, sitting next to me, and nuzzling me for pets.

coaxing the feral cat down from the tree

I am on deadline for an important writing project tonight (a working draft of my piece for Still Here — which happens June 11th & 12th, btw!). While I have had THE WHOLE WEEK to work on this piece, alas, I have also been struggling pretty hard with writer’s block. :/

I used to have to push through block a lot, but that baaasically stopped around the time that I started working on How To Have A Body. It has been a very long while since writing has felt actively hard to do like it has felt this week.

On the one hand, that feels pretty cool!

On the other hand, that makes feeling blocked even more frustrating, because my practices for pushing through block are more, well, outta practice.

I’ve gotten very used to the luxury of words feeling easy when I sit down to write*. This is possibly a preposterous metaphor that makes no sense to anybody but me, BUT: In contrast, right now, I feel like I am coaxing a feral cat down from a tree.

If you’ve got some spare love/prayer/thoughts towards productivity & getting the cat outta the tree for me, can you send some my way? It’s very much appreciated.

<3 & thx, tumblr-verse & tumblr-watchers.


* My general ability to write/produce work, esp. through severe pain & deep exhaustion, is pretty fuckin’ limited. That said, when I sit down to write with my exhaustion & pain levels well-managed & NOT crazy-go-nuts, I can easily knock out 8,000 words in one day. So it feels disappointing to be like “Huh, today is actually an okay pain & exhaustion day, so… Where are my words?!”

please excuse me while i grumble about writing process for a second.

I’m in that place with the manuscript where I’m vascillating between “This is awesome!” and “This is utter tripe!”

I am well aware that this is just part of the process, but dag, man. I wish I could put my artistic insecurity in box till I’m done with the book, you know?

In other news: The first draft is due Thursday (eeek!). Then I meet with my advisor to go over edit suggestions on Saturday. Then I have till May 17th for edits & re-writes. So. Wheeeeeee?

If I wasn’t such a fucking perfectionist, this would be a lot easier. Old habits die hard, I guess.

note to self: remember this!

How To Have A Body is due to my Advisor in 9 days. I feel like I’m supposed to be stressing out. But I’m truly, genuinely not. My anxiety is… honestly, kinda non-existent right now. Like, yeah I’m a little tired, and yeah I’m having to be extra-diligent/protective about things like Breakfast and Exercise and Taking Breaks and Enough Sleep. But mostly I’m just excited & joyous & into where the book is taking me.

I have been writing all  my life, and I have made many attempts at many books. But I honestly never knew before this one that writing a book could be this fun, this exhilarating. This is BAD-ASS.

every tumblr post i make over the next two weeks is probably gonna include the phrase “speaking of how to have a body!”

There is nothing like the intense pressure of intense deadlines for a book that is kinda about an intense break-up but really mostly about your intense relationship with your body & the world to make you, well… Intensely aware of your body. You know?

I mean this in a good way. I feel more in my skin, more comfortable, happier, hotter & more desirable than I have in ages. Some of this is about some recent experiences of feeling appreciated & desired in various ways. But it’s way bigger than that, too. It’s about an internal shift.

I left the house in a tight strappy tank top, a very short miniskirt, bare legs, & sparkly shoes today. Glitter on my eyelids, lipstick on my lips. These might not be brave fashion choices for someone else, but they are extremely brave fashion choices for me, especially considering my past year.

I feel back to my real self and I feel braver, basically. It’s been a long time coming.

This song is kinda hitting me in the heart.

Which is funny, because I’m working on a chapter* that is heavily influenced by Bowie’s Berlin-era work, specifically & especially the album & song “Heroes.” Very different from “Scary Monsters.” But, oh, oh, OH, this song! Such a good adolescent rebellion soundtrack.

*Some of you might remember this as my Girl Talk piece from this past year. It’s like 100x more awesome now. :) I’m still tinkering with it, but I’m psyched about it!