2 things

1. My meeting with my advisor was, um, kinda stellar. I’m superstitious about saying much more in public, but, in short: It was very good. It has opened some doors.

2. Writing a book about bodies and relationships and sexuality and gender and eating disorders when you are an Aquarius with your Moon in Scorpio (and Libra rising) and there has just been a Pink Moon eclipse in Scorpio baaasically means that you become a font of DEEEEEEP SCORPIO FEEEEEELINGS. At least, it does if you are me.

Writing and re-writing and editing when the work is all deeply personal & very vulnerable is a fucking weird emotional process, y’all. It’s not bad, and I’m not bad. I’m quite good, actually, I’m also just… hella feelingsy.

awwws yeah

"Hey Gina, what’d you do this weekend?"
"Oh, y’know, taught a writing workshop and ran some errands and took myself on a jaunt through North Beach and re-wrote the entire beginning of my book. Nothing major.”

:)

The first draft of How To Have A Body is due in ten days. There is still a lot to do, but I am feeling pretty proud & awesome of what I’ve accomplished right now.

Relatedly? I could really get used to having this much energy & being this productive all the time. I cannot stress how much I LOOOOOOOVE not being in the midst of A Terrible Fibro Flare. I get so much done when I’m not knocked on my ass!

sometimes i impress myself

1. 25,000 words & counting on How To Have A Body. There is still so much more to do, but wow. Can I get a HELL YES?

2. Missing Sunday Streets to Get Her Done (and also get some laundry done). A little wistful about it, but there will be other Sundays for Streeting in my future.

this is how we do it!

Just had a fantastic meeting with my advisor about my Thesis and How To Have A Body. I wanna say more but I’m also fussy & superstitious & private about things till they are set in stone.

But suffice it to say: My pupils are like exclamation points right now. I feel like today’s beautiful & unexpectedly balmy February sun is shining Just For Me.

Excuse me while I blast terrible 90s hip-hop and settle in to write some more. (Srsly, I am having to restrain myself from posting video clips from MTV Jams.)

"I know in my heart of hearts that creative and erotic drive are inextricably and undeniably linked. I can’t write if I can’t come. I can’t feel the pique of a story or a poem if I can’t feel the pique of my own orgasm. I don’t wanna write when I don’t wanna fuck. And I don’t wanna fuck when I don’t wanna write."

From something very rough & very new.

This is the least raw part, which probably tells you something.

How To Have A Body

Dirty Thirty. Wow.

I am happy and relieved to finally say good-bye to my twenties. But it’s not “good riddance.” It’s more “fond farewell.”

I have learned SO MUCH over this past decade. Also, let’s be real: I have accomplished a really impressive amount of cool stuff over this past decade, both personally and professionally. I’m not even gonna play at being falsely humble or modest here: I’m totally awesome and I kicked a lot of ass in my twenties. I was brave and forthright and honest and bright. Sometimes I made really stupid decisions, bad mistakes. Sometimes I was way too hard on myself.  

But sometimes I was really good to myself. Sometimes, I was bloody spectacular.

So many moments over this past decade were formative. Everything from leaving a horrible abusive relationship at 21 to starting Girl Talk at 25. Graduating college at 22, getting one of two Master’s Degrees at 29 (and being very well on my way to getting my second in May). Starting not one but two manuscripts. The shitty meaningless boring jobs and the work that I loved, the work that fed me. Getting published a lot, teaching a lot, performing a lot. Touring and doing college gigs. Meeting so many sweet people. Making friends who have become beloved family. Building towards actually making a living as a working artist. Bad awkward funny-story sex that still taught me a lot about my body and my boundaries. And the best sex of my entire life, the kind of fucking that left me humming and panting and alive with the utter possibility of the world. Falling in love a few times and becoming a better person for it. Learning so much every time my heart broke open.

But what it all boils down to is this: The biggest thing I learned in my twenties is How To Have A Body. That is the lesson that made all the other joys and discoveries possible. At 20, I was glassy-eyed and constantly underslept, anoretic and running on fumes. To say I was completely fucking dissociated is an understatement. My consciousness floated about 6 inches above my head at all times. Over the past decade, I have gone, slowly and painstakingly but surely, from floating above my head to actually being in my body all the time. To actually listening to my body.

Sometimes I want to send a picture of myself now to my 20 year-old self. She was so small and scared, so trapped and cornered, so hollow. I want to feed her everything she wasn’t letting herself take in — food and rest, safety and love. I want to give her a soft place to land, to remind her of what she deserves.  I want to say “Bella, abundanza. Look. Look. Look who you’re going to be and what you’re going to do. You’ll leave all of this behind and you will be so much better and happier for it. You are so brave.

I’m looking forward to growing into my bravery and bad-assery in my 30s. And I wonder what 40 year old me will want to say to 30 year old me. What that picture will look like.

I bet it’ll be really good, whatever it is.

general strike/octopi oakland & all souls day

A friend’s 3 y/o referred to Occupy Oakland as Octopi Oakland, and now, that is what it is in my head. :)

Two things:

1. So much love to the General Strikers & Octopi Oakland. I wish I coulda made it. I was praying for all of you, with all my heart.

2. Relatedly: All Souls Day/Dia de los Muertos reflection & rest time after my evening class, and then dinner, with Aidan & Sara DLG? Was a perfect way to end the long & exhausting coupla days I’ve had. I am glad I listened to my body’s needs for rest, quiet, prayer, a walk, food, & friends, instead of pushing myself to get to Oaktown tonight after class. This feels like a big step for me. And I’ll stop now lest I get too emo in a public blog post. ;)

Rest In Peace, Blair

I’m up late writing, working on my piece for Perverts Put Out tomorrow night. It’s the kind of night where The Word takes me storm and then I look at my clock and realize it’s 3am, you know? But somewhere in there I stopped to check facebook for a minute… and I saw that Blair passed away on July 23rd. I am so very sad to hear this.

Blair and I didn’t know each other than briefly meeting at his feature at Queer Open Mic one night in 2007. I loved his work. I bought his album. And he gave me a hug I still remember.

Seeing Blair perform was such a moving, poignant experience. You could tell, somehow, that he was the kind of person who brought an immense kindness & generosity of spirit to everything he did.


Let perpetual light shine upon him.