Skip to Navigation | Skip to Content

Gina

I was reading a piece of memoir/writing-from-personal-life that is going around the tumblrz, by a non-binary person. (Note: I’m purposely not linking to it here because I don’t want to Tumblr Call-Out the author. They made a mistake, which I am going to talk about here. But the mistake they made is also an incredibly human and understandable mistake, and it is one that I have seen a lot of people make and have wanted to write about here for awhile. I don’t think that public shaming is actually gonna be productive in this instance. I’m gonna send them a direct message when I’ve got more spoons. This is just me venting/processing a bit…)

Anyway. I was liking their piece! And then there was the line “I wish I was intersex…” And then stuff about how that’d be sooo great because then “my body would match my internal sense of myself” (it was slightly different exact wording, I am paraphrasing here, but it was along those lines). And then I honestly just kinda wanted to throw my laptop across the room. :/

I want to start this by saying that I cannot and should not speak for any intersex or non-binary people other than myself. But, just sayin’: I am both intersex and non-binary. They are related but fundamentally seperate parts of myself. I would not say that intersex is my “gender” or my “gender identity,” as much as it is my experience (although, if you ask another intersex person this question, you might get a different answer!). I would definitely not say that being intersex makes being non-binary any better/easier/safer. If anything, again, speaking from my own experience: Being intersex just deeply fucking complicates all of that stuff. I personally find it REALLY obnoxious when non-intersex genderqueer, non-binary, and trans people use intersex people as “proof” of the beauty and diversity of zee gender spectrum (why the fuck do we even NEED proof when we are right here?!), or as “justification” for non-binary/genderqueer identities and/or for trans identities (why the fuck do we need “justifying”?!).

Also: I am well-aware that there are pockets of intersex “community” (more about this in a sec) that are deeply transphobic and really don’t want to be associated with trans, genderqueer, and non-binary people. I would hope that it is obvious that that is not me here. I think that non-trans intersex people and non-intersex trans people, for example, have a lot of stuff in common wrt, say, dealing with the medical industrial complex. I think that it is important to build alliances with each other, to talk across our differences, to support each other’s fights. I think that, in a lot of ways, at the end of the day, we really are all in this together. But being in it together also means listening to each other and learning when we fuck up.

"Community" is in quotes in the above paragraph because I would argue that because IS people are by & large deeply isolated from each other, there isn’t really so much a unified IS community to even speak of. (I often wish there was, frankly. Sometimes I get lonely.)

TL;DR: YO! OTHER GENDERQUEER/NON-BINARY PEOPLE! We are perfectly lovely and legitimate as-is. We don’t need to use the existence of intersex people as “proof” that we belong and that we matter and that we are real. We’re real no matter what! Saying that you wish you were intersex “because then [my] body would match [my] mind” is actually deeply fucking appropriative, and belies an intense misunderstanding of what it is to actually be intersex.

grrlyman:

joiuu:

Today I was feeling especially shitty about gender binary, and how it’s acceptable to be androgynous only if you’re young, thin and pretty. I hear people talking shit about old “men” who wear makeup and “look ridiculous”, and I feel like they’re talking about me because one day I’ll be old and wrinkly and maybe finally brave enough to wear whatever the fuck I want. So I doodled these to cheer myself up, as a kind of a “fuck you” to assholes and a “love you” to fellow genderqueer people. Let’s grow old together and be awesome. <3

Fucking yes.

<333
grrlyman:

joiuu:

Today I was feeling especially shitty about gender binary, and how it’s acceptable to be androgynous only if you’re young, thin and pretty. I hear people talking shit about old “men” who wear makeup and “look ridiculous”, and I feel like they’re talking about me because one day I’ll be old and wrinkly and maybe finally brave enough to wear whatever the fuck I want. So I doodled these to cheer myself up, as a kind of a “fuck you” to assholes and a “love you” to fellow genderqueer people. Let’s grow old together and be awesome. <3

Fucking yes.

<333

grrlyman:

joiuu:

Today I was feeling especially shitty about gender binary, and how it’s acceptable to be androgynous only if you’re young, thin and pretty. I hear people talking shit about old “men” who wear makeup and “look ridiculous”, and I feel like they’re talking about me because one day I’ll be old and wrinkly and maybe finally brave enough to wear whatever the fuck I want. So I doodled these to cheer myself up, as a kind of a “fuck you” to assholes and a “love you” to fellow genderqueer people. Let’s grow old together and be awesome. <3

Fucking yes.

<333

(via burnallthemaps)

Ivy: That is a fucking awesome outfit! I love everything about it!Me: Thank you, it&#8217;s an experiment for me? I feel like it&#8217;s kinda Faggot Hustler Meets Liza Minelli in Cabaret?Ivy: Oh, WORD!Me: The bowtie isn&#8217;t bad?Ivy: Are you kidding? The bowtie is amazing!Me: No, I just feel like bowties flag TRANSMASCULINE DOUCHEBAG like 98% of the time, and I am trying to avoid that&#8230;Ivy: No, I know what you mean, but it&#8217;s just so&#8230; you. Also, it&#8217;s really femme. And like, how do I say this? It&#8217;s silly, but it&#8217;s silly in a great way.Me: Ha! It&#8217;s silly in a way that is aware of its silliness!
Ivy: That is a fucking awesome outfit! I love everything about it!Me: Thank you, it&#8217;s an experiment for me? I feel like it&#8217;s kinda Faggot Hustler Meets Liza Minelli in Cabaret?Ivy: Oh, WORD!Me: The bowtie isn&#8217;t bad?Ivy: Are you kidding? The bowtie is amazing!Me: No, I just feel like bowties flag TRANSMASCULINE DOUCHEBAG like 98% of the time, and I am trying to avoid that&#8230;Ivy: No, I know what you mean, but it&#8217;s just so&#8230; you. Also, it&#8217;s really femme. And like, how do I say this? It&#8217;s silly, but it&#8217;s silly in a great way.Me: Ha! It&#8217;s silly in a way that is aware of its silliness!

Ivy: That is a fucking awesome outfit! I love everything about it!
Me: Thank you, it’s an experiment for me? I feel like it’s kinda Faggot Hustler Meets Liza Minelli in Cabaret?
Ivy: Oh, WORD!
Me: The bowtie isn’t bad?
Ivy: Are you kidding? The bowtie is amazing!
Me: No, I just feel like bowties flag TRANSMASCULINE DOUCHEBAG like 98% of the time, and I am trying to avoid that…
Ivy: No, I know what you mean, but it’s just so… you. Also, it’s really femme. And like, how do I say this? It’s silly, but it’s silly in a great way.
Me: Ha! It’s silly in a way that is aware of its silliness!

Students Wear Skirts For "Agender" Teen Burned on Bus


Watching this really warmed my heart today. Like, wow, the kids are all right.

—-


That said:
- I’m really upset about the fact that this crime happened in the first place (I mean, DUH).
- I am honestly having very complicated (and mostly negative) feelings about the youth who attacked Sasha being tried as an adult. I have Strong Opinions about youth being tried as adults, and also about hate crimes legislation in general disproportionately criminalizing and being used as weapons against people of color (and often being used against queer and trans people of color specifically — The New Jersey 4, CeCe McDonald, etc).
- I say this as someone who was subject to a lot of vicious homophobic bullying as a youth, and who was violently stalked and harassed as a teen by another teenager.
- I don’t have any fancy tidy answers here. I want justice for Sasha. I just don’t think that the Prison Industrial Complex is The Solution or Actual Justice.

Donning dandy drag for drinks with Dorian tonight. Plus a bonus shot of my snazzy new (leopard print!) cane.I am seriously proud of my make-up. The hot pink eyeshadow I splurged on in Pdx was a good choice. Also seriously proud of my outfit, and wishing I had better pix than what I can get with the bad lighting in my apartment + PhotoBooth.(I have also apparently become an old lady who goes to bed at midnight, so? Pray that my tired crippled ass can stay awake long enough for a drink &amp; a catch-up tonight!)
Donning dandy drag for drinks with Dorian tonight. Plus a bonus shot of my snazzy new (leopard print!) cane.I am seriously proud of my make-up. The hot pink eyeshadow I splurged on in Pdx was a good choice. Also seriously proud of my outfit, and wishing I had better pix than what I can get with the bad lighting in my apartment + PhotoBooth.(I have also apparently become an old lady who goes to bed at midnight, so? Pray that my tired crippled ass can stay awake long enough for a drink &amp; a catch-up tonight!)
Donning dandy drag for drinks with Dorian tonight. Plus a bonus shot of my snazzy new (leopard print!) cane.I am seriously proud of my make-up. The hot pink eyeshadow I splurged on in Pdx was a good choice. Also seriously proud of my outfit, and wishing I had better pix than what I can get with the bad lighting in my apartment + PhotoBooth.(I have also apparently become an old lady who goes to bed at midnight, so? Pray that my tired crippled ass can stay awake long enough for a drink &amp; a catch-up tonight!)
Donning dandy drag for drinks with Dorian tonight. Plus a bonus shot of my snazzy new (leopard print!) cane.I am seriously proud of my make-up. The hot pink eyeshadow I splurged on in Pdx was a good choice. Also seriously proud of my outfit, and wishing I had better pix than what I can get with the bad lighting in my apartment + PhotoBooth.(I have also apparently become an old lady who goes to bed at midnight, so? Pray that my tired crippled ass can stay awake long enough for a drink &amp; a catch-up tonight!)
Donning dandy drag for drinks with Dorian tonight. Plus a bonus shot of my snazzy new (leopard print!) cane.I am seriously proud of my make-up. The hot pink eyeshadow I splurged on in Pdx was a good choice. Also seriously proud of my outfit, and wishing I had better pix than what I can get with the bad lighting in my apartment + PhotoBooth.(I have also apparently become an old lady who goes to bed at midnight, so? Pray that my tired crippled ass can stay awake long enough for a drink &amp; a catch-up tonight!)
Donning dandy drag for drinks with Dorian tonight. Plus a bonus shot of my snazzy new (leopard print!) cane.I am seriously proud of my make-up. The hot pink eyeshadow I splurged on in Pdx was a good choice. Also seriously proud of my outfit, and wishing I had better pix than what I can get with the bad lighting in my apartment + PhotoBooth.(I have also apparently become an old lady who goes to bed at midnight, so? Pray that my tired crippled ass can stay awake long enough for a drink &amp; a catch-up tonight!)

Donning dandy drag for drinks with Dorian tonight. Plus a bonus shot of my snazzy new (leopard print!) cane.

I am seriously proud of my make-up. The hot pink eyeshadow I splurged on in Pdx was a good choice. Also seriously proud of my outfit, and wishing I had better pix than what I can get with the bad lighting in my apartment + PhotoBooth.

(I have also apparently become an old lady who goes to bed at midnight, so? Pray that my tired crippled ass can stay awake long enough for a drink & a catch-up tonight!)

nemesissy:

pretty much the reason I have intense dysphoria is that it’s actually very difficult to have an everyday kind of embodiment that can transition from Dolly to Peewee easily and at whim, and my body doesn’t seem to want to cooperate with me in realising that aim, nor does society at large understand that the fact that I feel more comfortable 75% of the time as Peewee doesn’t invalidate my intense Dolly feels the rest of the time, or even coexisting along side my need to be a dorky, androgynous manchild in a new wave suit ensemble

I went to the trouble of re-finding this post of nemesissy’s today because I really needed it, because I am having pretty much exactly THIS Gender Moment as I’m getting dressed for work. So much so that I am writing this and fretting over outfits and rubbing my temples instead of, y’know, eating breakfast and heading to werk. :/ :/ :/

And my own internal references aren’t Dolly & Peewee as much as they are, say, Liz & Bowie (to reference another very famous picture). I’m probably about 75% Liz, 25% Bowie. And today is a 25% day, and, well… Blergh?

Another thing I am thinking about: I fucking wish I had some models of what FAT ANDROGYNY looks like. Like, anywhere? I obvsly love me some Bowie & Swinton but those bitches are skinny, and I love hella fat femme ladies and can usually draw from that when I’m in Liz Mode, but. Sometimes what I’m trying to do just isn’t as ladylike.

I feel extremely conspicuous & self-conscious whenever I do Public Gender Processing. I very well might delete this later. But I kinda needed to write it because I kinda needed to read it.

ANNOUNCING Girl Talk 2013!

I’m super excited for Thursday, and super proud that we are turning five (!). This is going to be an amazing show. Please spread the word, and please come out. 

(Also, I feel a little silly to be reblogging my reblog of my blog post. But this is the easiest way to get all the Girl Talk info out in one fell swoop.)

howtohaveabody:

Beloved readers!

I will be performing brand new work from How To Have A Body at this year’s Girl Talk. Please come out for it! Tickets are available here.

Also, if you need a No One Turned Away For Lack Of Funds ticket, write to <girltalktheshow@gmail.com> and we will add you to our NOTAFLOF list.

<3,
Gina de Vries
Girl Talk Founder & Co-Curatrix
Author & Operator of How To Have A Body (a manuscript in progress & a blog)

queershoulder:

I am so very excited to announce…

Girl Talk 2013!

6.27GirlTalkBnrV3


Now in its fifth year, Girl Talk is a critically acclaimed multi-media performance show promoting dialogue about relationships of all kinds between queer transgender women, queer cisgender women, and genderqueer people. Queer cis women, queer trans women, and genderqueer people are allies, friends, support systems, lovers, and partners to each other every day — from activism that includes everything from Take Back the Night to Camp Trans; to supporting each other in having “othered” bodies in a world that is obsessed with idealized body types; to loving, having sex, and building family with each other in a world that wants us to disappear. At Girl Talk, trans and cis women and genderqueer artists create a wide range of artistic work about their relationships of all kinds – sexual and romantic, friendships, and chosen and blood family. Join us for a night of performance and conversation dedicated to building sisterhood and queer community for ALL women.


June 27

Girl Talk
Curated by: Gina de Vries, Elena Rose, & Julia Serano
Show Location: African-American Arts & Culture Complex (762 Fulton Street @ Webster, San Francisco)
Time: 7:30pm
Price: $12 – $20 sliding scale online; $15 – $20 at the door. (A limited number of Nobody Turned Away Tickets are available by writing to Gina at queershoulder[@]gmail[.]com, and a few work-trade for tix positions might also become available.)
Web Home: http://queerculturalcenter.org/NQAF/performance13/girl-talk/
Buy Tickets:
http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/377312
Facebook Event Page
: https://www.facebook.com/events/331871970271565
“Like” Girl Talk on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/GirlTalkShow
Twitter:
@queershoulder (Gina de Vries) and @JuliaSerano (Julia Serano).

Girl Talk is a proud grantee of the San Francisco Arts Commission’s 2013 Cultural Equity Grants program.


ARTISTS’ BIOS

sDominikaBednarska
Dominika Bednarska
holds a PhD in English and Disability Studies from U.C. Berkeley, and her new book of poetry, Smothered Breath, is forthcoming from Tulip Pulp Press. Her writing has appeared in The Bellevue Literary Review, Petrichor Machine, Blast Furnace, A Bad Penny Review, B (A Barbie Anthology), Journey to Crone, Avatar Review, Storm Cellar, Palimpsest, Muddy River Poetry Review, Wordgathering, Ghosting the Atom: Reflections After the Bomb, What I Want From You: An Anthology of East Bay Lesbian Poets, Cripping Femme, The Culture of Efficiency: Technology in Everyday Life, and Nobody Passes: Rejecting the Rules of Gender and Conformity, a Lambda nominee. Her show My Body Love Story kicked off the National Queer Arts Festival in 2012. For more information, go to dominikabednarskaspeaks.blogspot.com or become a fan on Facebook.

sGinadeVries
Gina de Vries
is a genderqueer femme, a queer Paisano, a devout pervert, and a writer, performer, activist, and cultural worker living, writing, and loving in San Francisco. Ze is the founder and co-curator (with Elena Rose and Julia Serano) of Girl Talk, and is thrilled to see the show going strong in its fifth year. Gina has performed, taught, and lectured everywhere from chapels to leatherbar backrooms to the Ivy Leagues to community colleges. Her university appearances include Harvard, Yale, Reed, The Pacific School of Religion, UW-Madison, and Hampshire. Ze is the founder and facilitator of Sex Workers’ Writing Workshop, a writing class for current & former sex workers at San Francisco’s Center for Sex & Culture (where she also serves on the Advisory Board).

Gina’s publications include That’s Revolting!, Bound to Struggle, Baby Remember My Name, The San Francisco Bay Guardian, $pread: illuminating the sex industry, Curve, Coming & Crying, Take Me There: Trans & Genderqueer Erotica, The Revolution Starts at Home, and Why Are Faggots So Afraid of Faggots. Ze is currently pursuing her Master of Fine Arts in Fiction Writing at San Francisco State University, where ze is at work on How To Have A Body, a book of experimental prose about, well, how to have a body. Find out more at ginadevries.com, and keep track of hir on the daily at queershoulder.tumblr.com and howtohaveabody.tumblr.com.

sDavEnd

DavEnd is a tenderhearted, genderqueer, accordion wielding songwriter, performing artist and designer based in San Francisco.  DavEnd has released two studio albums (How To Hold Your Own Hand, Fruits Commonly Mistaken For Vegetables) and for the past 6 years, has been touring extensively in the U.S., performing at queer teen centers, theatres, festivals, colleges, and backyards. Between tours, Ms. End designs costumes, and most recently has been producing a new musical, costume designing and dancing in production numbers for songwriter Kimya Dawson, appearing in Taylor Mac’s epic 5 hour play “The Lily’s Revenge” and touring the US with Sister Spit. DavEnd’s current project, “Fabulous Artistic Guys Get Overtly Traumatized Sometimes: The Musical!”, brings together the worlds of music and radical performance art in a theatrical extravaganza, exploring the effects of heterosexism and street harassment on the development of queer and trans identity. Photo: Photo: Amber Gregory

hardy_Tara
Tara Hardy
is the working-class queer femme poet who writes and teaches in Seattle, Washington. She is the founder and current creative director of Bent, a writing institute for LGBTIQ people based in Seattle. She is the writer-in-residence at Richard Hugo House in Seattle, and an alumnae of Hedgebrook. In 2002, she was elected by the people and named by the city council as Seattle’s Poet Populist, or poet of the people, and has appeared on seven National Poetry Slam stages. She holds an MFA from Vermont College in fiction writing, and an MSW from the University of Michigan in community organizing. Tara is a daughter of the United Auto Workers, and worked in the Battered Women’s Movement for 15 years. She has toured the United States with Michelle Tea in the Stromboli’s Island show, as well as with Oratrix, an all-girl, all-queer Seattle-based spoken word troupe. She is a member of the Bullhorn Collective, and has performed with the Rolling Thunder Democracy Tour, Vancouver’s Rock for Choice, various Sister Spit shows, the Washington Poet’s Association’s Burning Word festival, Portland’s Youth Pride, San Francisco’s Harvey Milk Institute, and at the Minneapolis Orpheum Theater on the National Poetry Slam team finals stage. Tara’s work appears in Without a Net, Sex and Single Girls, Fusion, Blythe House Quarterly, Brazen, Switched-on-Gutenberg, and her self-published chapbooks Vs and Rant-some. Recordings of her work can be found on Vox Populi Live (the best of the Seattle Poetry Festival), the Seattle Poetry Slam Live CD, and her self-produced CD Dirty River.

sCarolQueen
Dr. Carol Queen
is a writer and cultural sexologist with a Ph.D. in human sexuality. She is a noted essayist whose work has appeared in dozens of anthologies. Her essay collection, Real Live Nude Girl: Chronicles of Sex-Positive Culture, was published in 1997 and reissued in 2002; it is read in university classes across America. Her erotic stories can be found in several Best American Erotica volumes, among many other anthologies; her erotic novel, The Leather Daddy and the Femme, was published in 1998 and won a Firecracker Alternative Book Award the following year. A “director’s cut” edition with new material came out in 2003. Her first book, Exhibitionism for the Shy, published in 1995, explores issues of erotic self-esteem and enhancement and was reissued with new material in 2009. She is co-editor of the anthologies Best Bisexual Erotica (volumes One and Two), Sex Spoken Here, Switch Hitters, and PoMoSexuals; the latter won a Lambda Literary Award in 1998. She’s also edited Whipped! and two volumes of 5 Minute Erotica, short-short erotic fiction.

Queen is the founding director of the Center for Sex & Culture in San Francisco (www.sexandculture.org) and works as staff sexologist and curator of the Antique Vibrator Museum at Good Vibrations, the women-founded sex toy and bookstore in San Francisco, where she has worked since 1990; she blogs for the Good Vibrations web magazine at www.goodvibes.com. She has addressed numerous scholarly and professional conferences, including the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, the International Condom Conference, the International Conference on Prostitution, and the International Conference on Pornography; she frequently addresses college as well as general and specialized audiences. In February 2009 she debated the question of promiscuity (“Virtue or vice?”) for the Oxford Union at Oxford University, England.

Carol Queen is active on behalf of progressive sex education and sexual minority issues. Perhaps most closely affiliated with the bisexual and sex work communities, she has been speaking publicly about non-mainstream sexualities, from lesbian to leather, for over 35 years. Her perspective in addressing sexual diversity incorporates personal experience, accurate sex information, and informed cultural commentary. For more information (including CV and bibliography) see her website: www.carolqueen.com.

NEW ELENA ROSE
Elena Rose
, a Filipina-Ashkenazic mixed-class trans lesbian mestiza, rode stories out of rural Oregon and hasn’t stopped making words since.  Raised as a curandera troublemaker, she writes online as “Little Light,” travels the country as a preacher and poet, and has dedicated herself to the labor of radical love, monster theology, and justice for those who live at the edges.

In her third year as Girl Talk co-curator and fifth as a performer, Rose has also sweet-talked bloody microphones with the Speak! Radical Women of Color Media Collective, Seattle’s TumbleMe Productions, the Bay’s own Mangos With Chili, and in sold-out shows up and down the Pacific coast.  Her writing has been featured in Aorta and Make/shift magazines and everywhere from law school classrooms to bathroom mirrors, and her first book, “Mountain of Myrrh,” is forthcoming from Dinah Press.  She lives, works, and attends seminary in the East Bay, and haunts abandoned places on the weekends.

sJuliaSerano
Julia Serano
is an Oakland, California-based writer, performer, and co-curator of Girl Talk. She is best known for her 2007 book Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity, which garnered rave reviews—The Advocate placed it on their list of “Best Non-Fiction Transgender Books,” and readers of Ms. Magazine ranked it #16 on their list of the “100 Best Non-Fiction Books of All Time.” Her other writings have appeared in anthologies (including Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape, Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation and Word Warriors: 30 Leaders in the Women’s Spoken Word Movement) and in feminist, queer, pop culture and literary magazines and websites such as Bitch Magazine, AlterNet.org, Out, Ms. Magazine blog, Feministing.com, and make/shift.

Julia has gained notoriety in feminist, queer and transgender circles for her unique insights into gender, and her writings have been used as teaching materials in queer and gender studies courses across North America. Her second full-length book, tentatively titled Excluded: Making Feminist and Queer Movements More Inclusive, is slated to be published by Seal Press in the Fall of 2013. juliaserano.com

sJosTruitt
Jos Truitt
is a Boston native currently living in the Bay Area. She is an Editor at the popular blog Feministing.com. Jos has worked for the reproductive health, rights and justice movements as a student at Hampshire College and a national organizer in Washington, DC. She has spoken and trained at numerous national conferences and college campuses about trans issues, reproductive justice, blogging, feminism, and grassroots organizing. Jos is currently pursuing an MFA in Printmaking and an MA in the History and Theory of Contemporary Art at San Francisco Art Institute.


Girl Talk NOTAFLOF Tickets

A quick & important Girl Talk note: It is very important to us that our show be financially accessible to EVERYONE who wants to come. This is a justice issue and a class issue, and it is something we take very seriously. We *always* set aside No One Turned Away For Lack Of Funds seats, every year (even when the pay tickets are selling like hotcakes online, as they tend to do).

If you are someone who has been staying away from Girl Talk due to finances, please don’t worry about it. Just email us at <girltalktheshow@gmail.com> saying you need a NOTAFLOF ticket, and we will add you to our NOTAFLOF seat list. We love you, and we want you in the audience. Please come! :)

(x-posted from my facebook & the Girl Talk facebook invite)

Page 1 of 3

Previously