pretty much the reason I have intense dysphoria is that it’s actually very difficult to have an everyday kind of embodiment that can transition from Dolly to Peewee easily and at whim, and my body doesn’t seem to want to cooperate with me in realising that aim, nor does society at large understand that the fact that I feel more comfortable 75% of the time as Peewee doesn’t invalidate my intense Dolly feels the rest of the time, or even coexisting along side my need to be a dorky, androgynous manchild in a new wave suit ensemble
I went to the trouble of re-finding this post of nemesissy’s today because I really needed it, because I am having pretty much exactly THIS Gender Moment as I’m getting dressed for work. So much so that I am writing this and fretting over outfits and rubbing my temples instead of, y’know, eating breakfast and heading to werk. :/ :/ :/
And my own internal references aren’t Dolly & Peewee as much as they are, say, Liz & Bowie (to reference another very famous picture). I’m probably about 75% Liz, 25% Bowie. And today is a 25% day, and, well… Blergh?
Another thing I am thinking about: I fucking wish I had some models of what FAT ANDROGYNY looks like. Like, anywhere? I obvsly love me some Bowie & Swinton but those bitches are skinny, and I love hella fat femme ladies and can usually draw from that when I’m in Liz Mode, but. Sometimes what I’m trying to do just isn’t as ladylike.
I feel extremely conspicuous & self-conscious whenever I do Public Gender Processing. I very well might delete this later. But I kinda needed to write it because I kinda needed to read it.