Gina

datingdisastersofaqueergirl:

hollowpikeman:

There are no ads dedicated to eliminating your body type all over the place, because there is no weight gain industry.

It’s not possible to be considered too thin to have nice things, and if by some chance you are so much smaller than the average adult you have to wear teens’ or kids’ clothes, you get sympathy way more than you will get told to just change your size.

Your body type is not equated with bad behaviour or ugliness.

People don’t think it’s funny when you get hurt or to imply that your body type is automatically bad.

You’re not treated as if you’re objectively unattractive based on your body shape.

If you have a restrictive and/or purging ED, it will be recognised.

People won’t tell you that your size alone will kill you or cause illness—or that they hope you die horribly just based on your size.

People might be mean or hit you with misdirected ableism when they say you “look anorexic”. You may have trouble finding size 00 and equivalent stuff. Not the same as being institutionally hated though, nobody wants you to just stop existing for being skinny.

hi this is actually true

ALL OF THIS.

Body shaming sucks no matter what, obviously. That said, thin privilege fucking exists, people.

There is nothing like the intense pressure of intense deadlines for a book that is kinda about an intense break-up but really mostly about your intense relationship with your body & the world to make you, well… Intensely aware of your body. You know?

I mean this in a good way. I feel more in my skin, more comfortable, happier, hotter & more desirable than I have in ages. Some of this is about some recent experiences of feeling appreciated & desired in various ways. But it’s way bigger than that, too. It’s about an internal shift.

I left the house in a tight strappy tank top, a very short miniskirt, bare legs, & sparkly shoes today. Glitter on my eyelids, lipstick on my lips. These might not be brave fashion choices for someone else, but they are extremely brave fashion choices for me, especially considering my past year.

I feel back to my real self and I feel braver, basically. It’s been a long time coming.

datingdisastersofaqueergirl:

The truly awesome thing about all these really petty gross anonymous messages is that this is VINDICATION after years of attractive partners and friends insisting that it is allll in my head that people get real real real mad that someone that looks like me gets mad hot ass.

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve said to a partner, “oh that girl over there is PISSED you’re with me” or “damn they are mean mugging the fuck out of me right now for being on your arm” and that partner has been like, “Are you sure that’s why?” or “they don’t look mad to me, they’re totally smiling at me!”

This is actually what fatphobia looks like in our community, folks. This is why I don’t go to parties. 

And actually, y’all almost had me convinced I was just crazy(er) and I was being oversensitive until one day, ONE BLESSED DAY, my skinny white trans husband and I were at some radical queer event and he leaned over to me and was like, “why does that girl in the black skirt keep glaring at you?” and I was like, “Oh my god. You see it too. I’m not making it up.” and it was ONE OF THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE because I FINALLY found someone who believed me and validated me. 

Anyway, stay mad y’all, cuz I’m not gonna stop dating people you think are too cute for me. Sorry for not being sorry.

EVERY WORD OF THIS. YES. I have gotten that exact same mean mug. This is, indeed, how fatphobia works in our community.

So I re-posted the SF Weekly article about Kink.com with a one-line comment, and then I wrote more commentary, and I wanted to make sure those comments didn’t lost in the re-blog shuffle.

I’ve personally heard a LOT of horror stories from other sex workers about working for kink.com. I’m glad these folks are so bravely speaking out. This is a long time coming.

And this doesn’t get mentioned in the article, but I feel like it bears saying here: I have personally always thought that it is ridiculous that kink.com is held up as some kind of awesome ethical paragon of what the porn industry can be when a) so many stories are out there about models being treated badly, and b) their size diversity, racial diversity, and treatment and fetishization of trans models (esp. trans women models) all, frankly, REALLY SUCK!

I say this as someone who has been in the sex industry for about a decade, and who has mostly worked in porn (never “full time” or as my main bread & butter, for the record — “making it” as a fat porn star is very, very hard, and most porn workers I know, fat or not, also do other kinds of work, whether in the sex industry or elsewhere).

I have personally posed for some ridiculous sites to make a buck over the years. I want to make it clear here that I pretty much never blame porn models for posing for cheezy or fetishize-y or offensive/distasteful or whatever else kindsa sites. As an old friend jokes “we are in the business of being dirty, after all!” More importantly, we are doing what we need to do to make a living.

That said: As a queer feminist and a fat person who works in porn, I really value having a) available work options at all (like, take a look, there are no fat people on any kink.com site — NONE), and b) work where I can be as close to my actual sexual self as possible, and not just cast in some chaser’s ridiculous Fat Girl Fantasy (as is the case with regards to a lot of the work that is available for plus-size porn models).

I want better options, basically, and Kink.com has never been one of the better options, for me or for many others. I’m glad this is finally getting talked about.

esaedders:

Being fat means being inundated with the idea that if you’re funny enough or interesting enough or if you perform in bed well enough then some generous saint of a person will be able to look past your body and find the courage to like you. No, no one will like you because of your body.  Someone will always like you in spite of your body. And you’re asking too much for people to thoroughly enjoy all of you.

Painful, but so accurate.

It has taken me a long time to unlearn this kind of thinking, and my mileage varies. Some days I’m better at believing in my own beauty than others.

(via datingdisastersofaqueergirl)