alizabug:

monster lady advice 

alizabug:

monster lady advice 

(via burnallthemaps)

every tumblr post i make over the next two weeks is probably gonna include the phrase “speaking of how to have a body!”

There is nothing like the intense pressure of intense deadlines for a book that is kinda about an intense break-up but really mostly about your intense relationship with your body & the world to make you, well… Intensely aware of your body. You know?

I mean this in a good way. I feel more in my skin, more comfortable, happier, hotter & more desirable than I have in ages. Some of this is about some recent experiences of feeling appreciated & desired in various ways. But it’s way bigger than that, too. It’s about an internal shift.

I left the house in a tight strappy tank top, a very short miniskirt, bare legs, & sparkly shoes today. Glitter on my eyelids, lipstick on my lips. These might not be brave fashion choices for someone else, but they are extremely brave fashion choices for me, especially considering my past year.

I feel back to my real self and I feel braver, basically. It’s been a long time coming.

"

He was also sporting a deep V-neck, a rhinestone “$” pendant, and the slight suggestion of a mullet. He introduced himself as Jeffy, a writer. I pried a little, and he admitted that he also gave seminars to men on how to date women. I immediately, without much tact, told him what I thought of his career, and the color drained from the broken capillaries in his cheeks. He wasn’t expecting a hooker to know concepts like “misogyny” and “problematic gamification of human interaction.” And yes, I was completely open about my work with him. I usually am on first dates, because of my philosophy about honesty and being out as a form of activism. And I love the startled expression that provokes in most men.

He seemed to think that the fact that we both work closely with male sexuality, insecurity, and romantic prowess made us similar. I saw it as more of a light side/dark side of the Force comparison. I try to make men feel more comfortable around women, around their own bodies, and work on their sexual and romantic skills in a constructive way. He teaches them how to hide their real selves and use acting and costumery to have drunken sex with strangers and then brag about it on the internet. They treat women like objectives in a video game, leveling up to “hotter” women, threesomes, and other more challenging situations. Hence I’m pretty sure that my status as a sex worker means trying to nail me for free is some sort of a boss fight.

"

Jolene Parton, “My Date With SF’s Douchebag PUA With A Rape Van” (via melissa)

Such fabulous writing. Jolene, when’s yr book coming out? :)

(Source: melissa)

Damn Gina!

Most productive day EVER. I just sent a 135 page draft of my MA thesis to my advisor. HELL. YES.

I’ve been having a kind of emo day. But it is hella hard to stay all Emo McMopeypants when watching this video.

"- Be aware as you plan and structure relationships that they will evolve beyond your plans. Guidelines imposing different behaviors for different strata of primary, tertiary, secondary, temporary and great-uncle-of-tertiary relationships seem to work for some people. For me that seems a nightmare of trying to regulate degrees of intimacy. Occasional humpbuddies will sometimes fall madly in love, romantic relationships will sometimes become platonic friendships, and the world will keep changing regardless of the categories we impose on it. Overcategorization seems to me a mostly symbolic approach designed to offset a lack of comfort within relationships about what constitutes genuine specialness and security. Closeness will wax and wane, availability and geography will change, trust will develop and some people will want more of each others’ time. Increased closeness in one relationship doesn’t automatically equal decreased closeness in another relationship. There is enough closeness to go around. There is not always enough time to go around, but that’s what calendars and sleepless nights are for. Mutual willingness to plan time together is often a big piece of what makes one relationship different from another. If you’re asking to be somebody’s “primary partner”, part of what you may be asking for is the concrete step of negotiating priority access to their planning calendar. Concrete elements like that don’t replace symbolic ones, but they can often help to keep the symbolic elements in perspective."

This point also gets a HELL YES from me. Thank you, David.

"

- Multiple relationships seem to work best when they’re functionally multiple for everybody involved. Everybody in any poly relationship being intimately involved with more than one person still seems like a required minimum balance for sustainability in my experience. I’d suggest that poly people hold out for lovers who are actually, actively striving to be in more than one relationship at once or who are already with someone else. Theoretical polyamory alone doesn’t sustain balanced connections for long. (Try for balance, not symmetry. You don’t all have to be doing the same kind or the same numbers of relationships at the same time, and you probably won’t.)

- Beware a 15-page contract or an overabundance of rules. Communication and actively erring on the side of respectful caution are the primary content of the long-standing agreements I’ve seen work. If rules and guidelines don’t shift toward the more relaxed over time, they’re probably masking a larger problem of trust, without which no agreement is adequate. Lovers build or rebuild trust by approaching known issues gradually, building and adjusting shared guidelines one at a time, and allowing each other a relaxed space in which to address the unexpected things that pop up.

- Beware an unwillingness to state clear boundaries or an unwillingness to respect your stated limits. If your partners’ unconditional acceptance of absolutely everything you do seems too good to be true, that’s because it is. Doormats are deadly when they belatedly discover their boundaries. If they won’t tell you what they need, escape while you still can. Similarly, if a partner regularly disregards your stated needs around “small” issues or won’t agree to setting any boundaries at all together, run.

"

— From "A Miniature Polyamory Practices Primer" on DirtySurface. David is scarily smart about these things. All I can say is HELL YES.

I found my contributor’s copy of Coming & Crying in my garage* today! I am so proud to be in this book. So proud of Melissa & Meagan for making it happen.Coming & Crying is the only place that my piece “Bambino” is published. You might have heard me read from it at: The writing workshop I lead at Toni Amato’s in April, NOLOSE in June, Perverts Put Out in July, or the Femme Conference in August. So if you are one of the folks who approached me wanting a copy of the piece — now you can get one! :)*Context: Apparently my neighbors got it delivered to their house, and instead of calling or texting me to let me know they had my mail, they put it in the garage that we all share for storage & laundry. Like, I found it today on someone’s old end table, while juggling a laundry basket on my hip. Kinda annoying, but hey! Surprize book! :)

I found my contributor’s copy of Coming & Crying in my garage* today!

I am so proud to be in this book. So proud of Melissa & Meagan for making it happen.

Coming & Crying is the only place that my piece “Bambino” is published. You might have heard me read from it at: The writing workshop I lead at Toni Amato’s in April, NOLOSE in June, Perverts Put Out in July, or the Femme Conference in August. So if you are one of the folks who approached me wanting a copy of the piece — now you can get one! :)

*Context: Apparently my neighbors got it delivered to their house, and instead of calling or texting me to let me know they had my mail, they put it in the garage that we all share for storage & laundry. Like, I found it today on someone’s old end table, while juggling a laundry basket on my hip. Kinda annoying, but hey! Surprize book! :)

"Third Wave Foundation supports the work of young people to make powerful change in their communities. As a progressive philanthropic institution, we are committed to strengthening organizations led by-and-for young women of color and transgender youth in low-income communities. Our grant partners work on a broad range of issues and employ myriad strategies, including challenging violence and gender-based inequity and claiming rights to economic opportunity, education, and health care. Through the work of our grant partners and through our philanthropic advocacy, we seek to shift historic and systemic forms of violence and oppression that are rooted in gender, race, and class inequity. We do not believe that sex work is a cause of that violence or oppression, nor do we believe that seeking to prohibit safe and consensual sex work or the demand for it is the solution to eradicating gender-based inequity or violence. In fact, these attempts to criminalize sex work often have the unintended consequence of leaving young people even more vulnerable. Prohibitions on sex work — even when targeted at third-parties such as customers and advertising venues — criminalize young people and force them further underground in order to meet their survival needs. As a result, they are more vulnerable to violence and isolated from one another and from rights advocates."

Part of the solution: youth engaged in sex work & the sex trade (or, the payoff from ten years of sex worker advocacy within the feminist movement)

(via melissa)