every tumblr post i make over the next two weeks is probably gonna include the phrase “speaking of how to have a body!”
There is nothing like the intense pressure of intense deadlines for a book that is kinda about an intense break-up but really mostly about your intense relationship with your body & the world to make you, well… Intensely aware of your body. You know?
I mean this in a good way. I feel more in my skin, more comfortable, happier, hotter & more desirable than I have in ages. Some of this is about some recent experiences of feeling appreciated & desired in various ways. But it’s way bigger than that, too. It’s about an internal shift.
I left the house in a tight strappy tank top, a very short miniskirt, bare legs, & sparkly shoes today. Glitter on my eyelids, lipstick on my lips. These might not be brave fashion choices for someone else, but they are extremely brave fashion choices for me, especially considering my past year.
I feel back to my real self and I feel braver, basically. It’s been a long time coming.
He was also sporting a deep V-neck, a rhinestone “$” pendant, and the slight suggestion of a mullet. He introduced himself as Jeffy, a writer. I pried a little, and he admitted that he also gave seminars to men on how to date women. I immediately, without much tact, told him what I thought of his career, and the color drained from the broken capillaries in his cheeks. He wasn’t expecting a hooker to know concepts like “misogyny” and “problematic gamification of human interaction.” And yes, I was completely open about my work with him. I usually am on first dates, because of my philosophy about honesty and being out as a form of activism. And I love the startled expression that provokes in most men.
He seemed to think that the fact that we both work closely with male sexuality, insecurity, and romantic prowess made us similar. I saw it as more of a light side/dark side of the Force comparison. I try to make men feel more comfortable around women, around their own bodies, and work on their sexual and romantic skills in a constructive way. He teaches them how to hide their real selves and use acting and costumery to have drunken sex with strangers and then brag about it on the internet. They treat women like objectives in a video game, leveling up to “hotter” women, threesomes, and other more challenging situations. Hence I’m pretty sure that my status as a sex worker means trying to nail me for free is some sort of a boss fight."
Such fabulous writing. Jolene, when’s yr book coming out? :)
Most productive day EVER. I just sent a 135 page draft of my MA thesis to my advisor. HELL. YES.
— This point also gets a HELL YES from me. Thank you, David.
- Multiple relationships seem to work best when they’re functionally multiple for everybody involved. Everybody in any poly relationship being intimately involved with more than one person still seems like a required minimum balance for sustainability in my experience. I’d suggest that poly people hold out for lovers who are actually, actively striving to be in more than one relationship at once or who are already with someone else. Theoretical polyamory alone doesn’t sustain balanced connections for long. (Try for balance, not symmetry. You don’t all have to be doing the same kind or the same numbers of relationships at the same time, and you probably won’t.)
- Beware a 15-page contract or an overabundance of rules. Communication and actively erring on the side of respectful caution are the primary content of the long-standing agreements I’ve seen work. If rules and guidelines don’t shift toward the more relaxed over time, they’re probably masking a larger problem of trust, without which no agreement is adequate. Lovers build or rebuild trust by approaching known issues gradually, building and adjusting shared guidelines one at a time, and allowing each other a relaxed space in which to address the unexpected things that pop up.
- Beware an unwillingness to state clear boundaries or an unwillingness to respect your stated limits. If your partners’ unconditional acceptance of absolutely everything you do seems too good to be true, that’s because it is. Doormats are deadly when they belatedly discover their boundaries. If they won’t tell you what they need, escape while you still can. Similarly, if a partner regularly disregards your stated needs around “small” issues or won’t agree to setting any boundaries at all together, run."
— From "A Miniature Polyamory Practices Primer" on DirtySurface. David is scarily smart about these things. All I can say is HELL YES.
— Part of the solution: youth engaged in sex work & the sex trade (or, the payoff from ten years of sex worker advocacy within the feminist movement)