Dating men, as a queer woman, has been a very interesting experience for me and has had many unexpected results. One of the more shocking changes? The newfound empathy/borderline pity I’ve developed for men as a whole. What a number the patriarchy has done on them. What incredibly intense damage it has wrought on their souls.
When I date women, when I date non-binary folks, when I date genderqueers, it isn’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination. But never have I faced the same issue I face with every man I ever date ever: being perceived as being “too into them”, “obsessive,” or “clingy”.
What sort of insecurity must one posses to doubt the validity of someone’s interest in a mutually stated reciprocal relationship? If a person you’re into is into you, why would you become concerned that they like you too much (within reason, of course, we’re not talking 300 texts a day and constant pleading for attention)? Do men really hate themselves so much that they are incapable of understanding that a partner or prospective partner simply enjoys their company and input and seeks it out accordingly? Or is it an ego boost? Do men enjoy bragging about how all these women want their nuts soooooo bad that it’s actually kinda weird, man.
I try to be as self aware as a sack of blood and meat sitting on a spinning rock can be. I analyze my behavior often and actively seek to change things that clearly aren’t working. But if I keep coming across this same problem, if I constantly feel like I have to rein back my attention and exposure for fear of being labeled as “too intense” or “crazy”, but only with a subset of humans (this has literally never happened to me with anyone who does not identify as a binary man), is the fault on me? Or is it on them?
tl;dr how come when I date ladies and non-binary folks I feel fine about texting them first but when I date men I know I can’t or they’ll think I’m weird?