I realized tonight over dinner & conversation with Marlene & Dorian that I have been out as queer in some form or another for almost 19 years. It’ll be exactly 20 years in late 2014.
This is kinda blowing my damn mind. It also, frankly, borders on the absurd when you take into account that I am 30.
I know a lot of queer folks who have been out for multiple decades. But they are pretty much all older than me by at least 5 years, if not a decade or more.
This is part of why I have a lot of older friends. It is also a huge part of why I tended towards friending, fucking, and dating much older people in my early 20s. As much as I might make jokes about being a chickenhawk (I’ve recently been dating a friend who is younger than me, and my last Serious Bizness Relationship was with someone younger), I actually have far more experience being on the chicken side of things.
I actively sought older people out at 20, as lovers and tricks and friends and confidantes (and various combinations thereof). I related a lot better to older queer folks in large part because I had queer (and pervert, and slut) experience under my belt in ways that other folks my age just… didn’t.
These days, though, most other queer folks around my age have caught up with me in terms of community and relationship experience and outness. It’s fairly usual for someone who is, say, 28, to have been out for a decade or more. That means that I can mostly forget how distinctly fucking weird my experience of my queerness and outness was when I was growing up. It can fade into the background of my life, in a way.
And then I think about the fact that it has been nearly 19 years, and I’m just like “Damn, yeah, most queer people of my particular generation do not have this experience at 30. This is a little strange and a little lonely.”
And I am not complaining, by any means. I am extremely blessed and privileged to have had the life I’ve had, especially when it comes to being out in the ways I’ve been able to be out, especially from such a young age.
That said, it is always bizarre to be a statistical anomaly. Real life is a lot weirder than anything you could ever make up.