I put basil in my gremolata.
NEW YORK PEOPLES: Once more, with feeling: Does anyone know of a good chiropractor in NYC, esp. in/near Inwood or the North Bronx? This pain spike is starting to feel like it is related to an old pinched nerve injury in addition to my fibro, and getting chiropractic work tends to help me out with that. Cheap/sliding scale is best, as I am unemployed. But also, pain relief is pain relief, so if you’ve got a pricier rec but they are very good at what they do, still lemme know, please!
This whole Andrea James/Calpernia Addams affair has got me thinking about a lot of things… Right now I’d like to talk about one of them: How us “olds” need to check ourselves when it comes to criticizing younger trans folks.
To me, James’ and Addams’ attacks upon Parker Malloy aren’t just disgusting because they attempt to invalidate the identities of queer trans women (like me), they’re also repugnant because they reek of an older generation who can’t be bothered to try to understand younger people.
More than anything, Addams/James screeds come off as them screaming “Get Off My Lawn!” to any trans women who didn’t transition or identify exactly as they do. I’m 39. I’m getting older. I HATE the idea of turning into what Addams and James have become.
I’ll give you an example: I have a hard time wrapping my head around non-binary/agender/genderqueer identities. My visceral reaction is “Huh. Why would someone want to do THAT?” But here’s the thing: Instead of taking that gut reaction and concluding that those identities are invalid (bc they are different from my own), I tap the brakes and ask myself: “Do I just feel this way because it’s something that’s new and unfamiliar to me?” And the answer is… Yup. Older folks should ask themselves that question EVERY DAMN TIME they are tempted to whinge about “these kids today.”
So even when I don’t entirely “get it,” I try to stay open minded and receptive to new information and arguments. People like Calpernia Addams and Andrea James should go forth and do likewise…
This! Exactly this!
I transitioned in the mid/late 90s, just a few years after Calpernia did. I’m 33 now, and very aware that I’m not entirely part of the cool, hip new Millenial trans population. Hell, back when I transitioned you had to stoke the boiler to get your computer on the internet, and hormones arrived by passenger pigeon.
So before I re-entered the community after years of being stealth, I took a few weeks to fucking read, and learn about the experiences of people transitioning now. And yes, there were things I didn’t understand at first, I gave these people the benefit of the doubt that they understood their own lives as well as I understood mine.
Rants like Calpernia’s and especially Andrea’s reflect the kind of attitude I transitioned amongst, and why I had so much self-loathing and difficulty coming to terms with being a lesbian in addition to being trans. Both of these women have done great things for the community (I wouldn’t have even understood where to start with transition without Andrea’s TS Roadmap website), but the philosophies they’re pushing the last few weeks—of deferral to the gay male community and of queer trans people being less real—are poisonous. It’s not that hard to listen to others within your own community, even if you don’t understand them at first.
I transitioned in 1987 but the past several years has been the first time there’s been a trans community I can connect with and trans people I can really relate to. Whatever my generation is like, it seems to me I have a lot more in common with younger trans women than I do with those like Calpernia Addams and Andrea James. I think they represent more than just an older generation, though. I think they also represent a certain degree of class privilege as well as other privileges that mitigate the worst that some of us deal with routinely.
And I mean, I am not saying nothing bad has ever happened to them. We first heard of Calpernia when her boyfriend Barry Winchell was murdered by his fellow soldiers. But it is striking that these two women cannot relate to the struggles described by Parker Molloy and others, or the way they choose to engage said struggles.
I also transitioned amidst attitudes similar to theirs, and it was a toxic and sometimes downright abusive experience.
Reasons I always want to move to New York:
Reasons I could never live in New York permanently, even though I dream about it sometimes:
Basically, my ideal city would be SF meets NYC but with SF prices circa the mid-90s before the Dot Com Boom: Lots of all kinds of culture, international feeling, open 24 hours, comprehensive affordable public transit, accessible & cheap & legal meds, generally mild & temperate weather in either direction, being near beaches & green space even when within the heart of urbanity, things being ACTUALLY ACCESSIBLE so my friends who have mobility issues/are in chairs/can’t do stairs could still come see me, and so that when I have a bad pain or fatigue day, I don’t hafta factor in 5 flights of stairs. Also, actually affordable.
Hey, a girl can dream, right? ;P
Pre-orders are now open for Sybil Lamb’s debut novel I’ve Got A Time Bomb
Prepare yourself, if you can. There’s nothing else quite like it.
i hope the part abt. shrink-wrapped meat is in it. and the epistemological convo w/ the hospital psychiatrist. and like everything really!
1. Profound & profuse thanks to EVERYONE who helped me out yesterday when I was in the midst of Extreme Pain Management Crisis. Y’all made an incredibly difficult day much easier. I am exhausted & definitely still recovering, but I also feel very loved right now. Grazie mille, darlings. <3
2. Relatedly: Does anyone know of a good chiropractor in in NYC, esp. in/near Inwood or the North Bronx? This pain spike is starting to feel like it is related to an old pinched nerve injury in addition to my fibro, and getting chiropractic work tends to help me out with that. Cheap/sliding scale is best, as I am unemployed. But also, pain relief is pain relief, so if you’ve got a pricier rec but they are very good at what they do, still lemme know, please.
3. NYC & close-to-NYC friends: I’m here till April 30th (and I will be doing a brief jaunt to Boston from April 24th-27th). I would love to see as many of you as possible. I have also been flaring pretty fucking bad this past month, so chances are I will need for our hang-out times to be low-key, at the place I am staying in Inwood, or in the general Inwood area.
4. EVERYONE! But esp. NYC friends I’m trying to make plans with!: My phone’s txt msgs are all fucked up, and I’m only receiving txts about 20% of the time. I am getting this fixed as soon as I have my pain more under control, but that might take a minute. So please CALL or EMAIL or G-CHAT me to make plans!
I can’t believe I’m doing this on the tumblrz, but I am this desperate:
I am staying in NYC right now (in Inwood). I have fibromyalgia, and I woke up this morning in a brutal pain spike. It hasn’t stopped for going on 4 hours. Everything feels like electric needles on fire on my nerves, and I don’t have access to anything stronger than Naproxen (because I cannot take my usual pain management option with me on an airplane — which I have a card for in California, if you catch my drift). I am in motherfucking AGONY & I am going completely battycakes. :*(
If you are in NYC & can be helpful to me today (or if you can point me in the direction of someone helpful), um, DM me with yr number, plz plz plz?
Also: I love pretty much every screwball comedy Katharine Hepburn has ever done, but my absolute favorite is Bringing Up Baby. Which is 1) fucking hilarious, and 2) SO!!! QUEER!!! (Read & watch The Celluloid Closet for more info, the stuff about Carey Grant in particular is fascinating…)
Also also: I had a much older drag queen friend when I was in high school. He was probably in his late 30s when we met? It’s an adorable story: We struck up a conversation at a bus stop in my neighborhood — I was going to school, and he was going to work — and we bonded over living in the same neighborhood, and sort of tentatively came out to each other and then bonded over being queer, and then as we talked about The Ingleside/Lakeview, we realized that we’d both gone to the same Catholic middle school (he’d gone there like 20 years before me, back when there were still nuns teaching there). Any way, we remained Bus Buddies the entire time I was in high school. He got me in to see him perform as Katharine Hepburn at The Castro Theater when I was 16. It was kind of the best thing ever. :*)
Also also also: I should really look him up, because last I heard (we ran into each other at Center for Sex & Culture about 5 years back and had a really sweet catch-up), he was still in SF & still doing performance stuff. Up to & including playing Blanche DeVereaux in a drag queen Xmas parody version of The Golden Girls (!!!!!!). Which I swear I’m gonna go to every year and then never do. (Hey, Dorian & Fluffy! Do you wanna make it happen in 2014?)
"Queer pinko Paisano genderqueer femme fat pervert cripple whore who learned magic at my Nana’s kitchen table, venerates the Blessed Mother, and ships Jesus/Mary Magdalene/the 12 apostles" about covers it.